Healed! Hands have finally healed!

i have gone off this blog for long as i was trying to deal with my oozing wounds which were all over my legs, and hands.
It was a tough time for me and it allowed me to look closely at my relationship with God and others. Mainly God.
This ordeal has allowed me to examine myself and allowed me to know God more. I thank God for being there for me always. Love u Jesus.

I’m glad to announce that my hands have healed in March. Its been one year since my hands started the little bumps which progressed into blistery wounds with ooze.
Basically, it looked so bad that my colleagues likened it to a bad burn.

A picture speaks a thousand words, in my case, a million words and moree…
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My legs are progressing well, and all that is left is scars. Hopefully these will just fade away soon in time for the wedding. 🙂
I pray this post will encourage you. I know its darn hard, but don’t give up.
God bless.

21st month – 24th day

Im just hanging in there as much as i can.

True enough my hands have improved, my legs…the bloody wounds are still there though they do look a bit better. This is really taking a toil on me. REALLY

I’m just hanging in there by a thread. I need strength and encouragement to go on. I really need it. Lord, please help me on this.

Legs are not oozing as much as they do except the upper legs. The wounds on the upper legs are kinda raw. And its really sigh how the wounds did grow bigger over the months and stop at this wonderful really big sized coin patches on my legs. Except for this really big big wounds on the back of my right leg.

I’m tired emotionally and physically, i want to sleep more and not think so much. The recent talk with my parents left me in tears and in joy. Joy that we bonded more but tears that my parents have been worrying about me so much. I have to be strong for them right. Not to let my parents worry so much about me.

My neck has been itching this week, i really wonder why is it doing that. Stress? Flare? Food? Soap? Who knows, i can’t be bothered.

I’m going for a 3 weeks holiday in sep, and i really need it.
But to go on a trip with such wounds on my legs, SIGH but i gotta be positive, i just hope they will heal soon.

I really need the strength that i can have.

Lord help me.

20th month – 24th day

wow, 24 days into my 20th month. We really have come a long way, right, skin? A long way and there are more months to go. Days of healing.

My hands are still the same, a little less reddish. They are very similar to what i went through my first flare, during the start of 2012. My arms were all reddish with few parts oozing. I like to think of it as moving downwards to my hands and fingers, and later none. 🙂
I remember the dry reddish parts lasting for about 4-6 months. So hopefully by Sep, my hands and fingers will look way better. Colleagues encourage me occasionally, asking how i am, and how’s my withdrawal. I’m very appreciative of their efforts. God does send nice people my way despite negative comments by people who don’t really know my condition. Or who can’t be bothered.

Legs wise, the place where i had put the most steroids, is oozing a bit. Wounds are quite dry and they ooze only minimally. They really go through the process of reddish sore skin, oozing, drying and then here it goes again. Escpecially for those wounds that are more swollen than the rest. Once the cycle happens for 1-2 times, i can see the wound going down, its still a little bit swollen. During my first flare, i had two major bloody wounds on the area above my feet, near my ankles. Those took about 9-10 months to fully heal, they constantly ooze, weep, and was swollen. And once they flattened, it was very obvious that it was healing. So now im positive! Since the bloody wounds on my legs are flattening a bit, though swollen. Upper legs’ wounds are oozing more than the lower legs, flattening and they look better but red and oozing. At night i itch more, sometimes in the morning, i guess its all part of healing.

Neck wise, itchy with little red spots. But nothing major.

Arms, a few red spots.

Stomach, yesterday i suddenly itched and my stomach had little rashes in random areas. Drank loads of water and went to bed. Morning was all better. Thought of eating a zyrtec, but meditated by telling myself its okay, calm down repeatedly. It worked.

If i am negative, i can’t possibly change things.
Sure, crying will reduce the stress. But i wanna be strong even just for these days. Though i am really bugged by the itch i have at night, i thank god that i am not scratching a lot like those nights which i had before. Today i woke up with blood bits crusted in my nails, i think i might have scratched my hands. 😦 OH WELL….

When God gives me hope, i am strong. 🙂
Its not my strength, but His.

Counting on……and going on…….
Stay strong.

Haze equals bad air

I never appreciated the fresh air that we have before 13 June 2013.

The haze is so bad that we are reaching a psi level of 299 at 12pm today. SIGH!

Lord, please send rain down to us to reduce the haze. I thank God for the years of fresh air we had.

Sighhhhhhhhh

20th month – 19th day

These two days have been very memorable due to my menses cramps.

I get really bad menses cramps, the type where i will just lie in bed, thinking how bad it is. Last month was horribly painful, i remember having cold sweat, lying in bed, breathing heavily, clutching my tummy, praying hard, thinking death was about to come to me. The sharp pains in my tummy area was painful beyond description. I was literally ‘tortured’. I have held this off too long, thus i am going to see a TCM doctor soon for my cramps. I had been avoiding seeing one as  i didn’t want her to start prescribing me medicine for my rashes, the wounds i have on my hands due to TSW. Oh well, i don’t think i can stand anymore of going through this pain once a month. Its just plain horrible.

I think the redness on my hands are disappearing, as some areas in it look lighter. I hope that is just not my imagination. 😛

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The bloody wounds on my legs have stopped oozing unless i just got out from a shower. And they have more or less dried up but they do look really eeky with the scabs, pink skin, and bits of crusts.

Before while it was oozing (Pardon me for my hairy legs, as i can’t really shave or go for hair removal since i have all this wounds) ITS MY DREAM to go once im healed!:

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Now in the eeky dry form:

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Its an improvement right!

I got one super big eeky wound with the same dry characteristics but i think its kinda eeky fascinating. I will post that big wound when im healed of it. 🙂

I feel that my hands are like blotchy looking, better than one huge patch of red. Still you have to look at it up close before you think that it is blotchy looking.

I have been wearing long skirts, flowy skirts to avoid any rubbing on my skin since it is scabbing nicely. OH and yesterday night, i scratched! GOSH, i didn’t want to, who would ever want to! I woke up to see my hand scratching the dead skin off, my scabs!! Oh well, damage done, i can’t possibly paste my scab back on it. So i wiped off the blood, ooze and went back to bed.

The weather has been really bad recently with the haze reaching unhealthy levels. Now its about 170 plus, which is reaching very unhealthy levels soon. Hopefully, there will be rain and it will get rid of the haze soon.

Recently, i have been learning something new about God. Its an incredible gift to be able to know him and to love him back. We love Him because He first loved us. He first loved us, that’s the point. I desire to see my loved ones all in heaven because to know such a great God is amazing. Imagine all of us clustered in heaven. HEHE

I have been reading the Gospel book by J.D. Greear, and i find it very insightful. It makes me focus on the gospel itself instead of any other things. I kind of have lost track of the gospel while pursuing God. Honestly, i lost sight of it. Now, i remind myself daily of the gospel which brings us good news. I find myself freed of certain issues that i was facing. God is good. 🙂

Recently, someone dear to me has been facing verbal abuse at work. He hears negative comments about him and i guess that is all out of jealousy and evil thoughts. I read in A.W Tozer book that for verbal abuse, all it does is to hurt your ears. It will only hurt you if you let it get past your ear. You will be injured yourself if you fill yourself with malice, hatred, anger at the person, because you chose to let it hurt you. I find that helps me a lot when i deal with angry or frustrated clients on the phone.

Side note about my diet: i feel that sugar worsens my tsw. When i cut down on my sugar, my wounds look better and not angry inflamed red. So here we go, i will avoid sugar whenever i can. 🙂 Still avoiding gluten, seafood, dairy and weird junk food. My only source of comfort food is potato chips (gluten free) with sea salt.

 

 

 

20th month update – 13th day

Two nights before, i was scratching badly at night. Woke up 3-4 times at different time intervals, and found myself scratching with ooze and blood crusted in my fingernails. So tired.

Last night, i washed my hair again with my tea tree oil soap. I tried using gloves to wash my hair but it wasn’t really working well so off the gloves went and i used my bare hands. It hurt. Afterwards, i soaked my hands in warm epsom salt water and rested in bed. The wounds on my hands are scabbing and i guess its trying to heal. Thank God for that!

I don’t know how long it will take, but i will just trust in God and everything according to his will. And last night, after taking one zyrtec tablet, i managed to sleep well without scratching and i am so happy. 🙂 The right hand finger is still a bit swollen but oh well, i shall just press on ~!

As of today:

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20th month update – 11 days

My legs have scabs all over the bloody wounds, with dead skin/ plus bit of ooze  crusting over it. Underneath, i do see pink shiny skin, but i’m not sure whether it is the finale or just a new stage of healing and oozing again.  Whatever it is, I’m just glad its better now.

I don’t see any improvement on my hands, i guess they are still healing on the inside with no visible improvements on the outside. Yesterday while showering and washing my hair, it was horrid. I was screaming silently inside with the pain while i washed my hair with the soap. It stinged so much.  It didn’t help that i dropped the soap into the pail with detergent water and had to scoop it out with my hands and wash the soap. AND i dropped the soap TWICE! SIGH. After this unlucky experience, i soaked my hands in epsom salts water, applied moisturizer and went to bed, comforting myself with watching the Running Man show.  Its a really hilarious Korean variety show that just makes me laugh despite the tingling pain on my hands and to forget the itch.

And i have two obvious reddish skin (they look like circles on my cheeks) on my face. Due to two pimples. So everyone has been asking me whether i have eczema on my face. Nope, this time its just pimples and they are reddish because i have applied too much pimple cream. Reading that makes me laugh at my own silliness.

My neck has been flaring up all this time. Its has some light reddish patches all over my neck and i figure this is part of the withdrawal process since i did apply steroid cream before during 2011 before i started the withdrawal.

You know, i can choose to feel really down and depressed about this whole situation. Or i can just choose to see this in a positive way in which the light is at the end of this long tunnel. I have cried my fair share of tears and hated much. And i won’t deny that i am weak, horribly weak, but what keeps me going the belief that i will heal and that there is a God overlooking everything.

I read Daniel last night and God gave him visions on how he still cares about Israel, God is always there and He will never forsake us. Same with Esther, how God saved the Jews. Everywhere, the bible shows that. Looking up at the sky, i am comforted by the fact that someone cares. There are many on earth who cares, but i’m very comforted by God even though sometimes when i’m depressed, i doubt. But in moments of weakness, it displays his great mercy and love towards me.

Just a small human being.